I don’t know a single professional woman who isn’t (or hasn’t been at some point) totally burned out. Sometimes it is due to the demands we place on ourselves; sometimes it is due to the demands placed on us that are out of our control. Either way, we can only overextend ourselves so long before our bodies and minds say “I’m done.”
Take the co-founder of the Huffington Post for example. A few years ago, Ariana Huffington was at her desk working very long hours when she collapsed, hitting her cheek on her desk and nearly losing her eye. Or take the case of Natalie Dinnick, an author, who found herself utterly frozen at work, unable to do anything but sit and cry. Maybe you have a story of your own where you found yourself unable to care, laugh, work, play, or connect with others.
So what exactly is burnout? Many people mistake burnout with simply working long hours or a heavy mental load. While these can contribute to feeling stressed, actual burnout is much scarier. Put simply, burnout is “The loss of motivation, emotional depletion, and cynicism (Herbert Freudenberger, 1974).”
Let’s put this into what I like to call “real people” words. A harsher (and more real, in my opinion) definition is this: Burnout is the inability to care anymore, especially about work. It is the feeling of wanting to sleep for days. It is the intense desire to respond to that last email with two middle fingers and a letter of immediate resignation. It is failing to recognize our accomplishments as having any real value in the world. Does that hit close to home?
When I was experiencing burnout several years ago I found camaraderie on Instagram by following @employeetears and @iamemployedaf, and others like this. It says a lot that accounts like these even exist, and that they have such massive followings. Recently, a poster got over 7,000 likes by writing “I’m staying in my pajamas today because dress for the job you want and I want to be a princess who sleeps for a hundred years.” IG accounts like these are overflowing with sarcastic, dark, and hopeless humor about our work lives.
What can be done? The answer is both complex and straightforward. In my experience, I’ve found burnout to be related to trauma, depression, anxiety, overthinking, low confidence, lack of self-esteem, and/or belief systems around what success means. I have found the most success with clients by determining if their personal values match their current commitments and behaviors. Women need to be willing to be brutally honest about where values and behaviors align, and where they don’t.
Therapy for high achieving women should respect the pace at which high achieving women move. Intensive therapy for women has become the preferred method for creating greater alignment and less stress in their lives. Personally, I love the depth intensives allow, and the rich outcomes I’ve been seeing from it.
The bottom line is that burnout is not about burnout. Just like alcoholism is not about alcohol. Burnout is about experiencing misalignment and ignoring our body’s prompts to pay attention. One way or another, the body always wins. If you are experiencing burnout symptoms please reach out for help. Life is simply too short to accept anything less than the joy that is meant for you.
